Dr. Katie Hurley, a teen and young adult psychotherapist in Los Angeles and the author of several parenting books, says parents of boys cannot rely on a single lecture about sex and consent. The emerging details of the Cornell 7 have intensified her concern about whether familiar conversations are enough.

Traditional lectures may fall short when short form videos and AI companions provide quick answers that are not always accurate. Older generations also may not be keeping pace with the learning preferences of Gen Z and Gen Alpha.

Online content already plays a major role in how young people learn about sex. A Common Sense Media report found that 73% of respondents ages 13 to 17 had watched pornography online, while 54% had encountered it before age 13.

The report also found that 45% of teen respondents believed online pornography provided helpful information about sex. Those findings show why parents need to address the information young people encounter rather than assuming they remain sheltered from it.

AI companions represent another source of information and interaction. A separate Common Sense Media report found that 33% of teens use AI companions for social interaction and relationships, including emotional support, conversation practice, friendship, role playing or romantic relationships.

Parents still need to fill the gaps, even when teens and young adults find useful educational material online. Experts John Duffy and Christopher Pepper both advise replacing a single major talk with frequent, bite sized conversations about relationships, boundaries and consent.

Children may encounter information about sex and relationships as early as 3rd grade, regardless of how much access they have to technology. “I think we are in denial about how early our kids are exposed to material relating to intimate relationships, sexuality and the power dynamics within both,” said Duffy, a psychologist and author of “Rescuing Our Sons.”

“I find that boys as young as 7, 8 or 9 are prepared to have these conversations at a more mature level than we might believe.” Parents can begin with love and caring for others, then gradually discuss dating, affection and healthy sexual relationships as boys grow.

Books, media, TikToks and Instagram Reels can provide openings for these discussions. “Adults should lean on the tools they have like books and tips but also accept that they have to have awkward conversations,” warned Pepper, a health educator and coauthor of “Talk to Your Boys.”

Accepting discomfort shows boys that embarrassing topics can still be discussed honestly. Pepper recommends focused five minute conversations with specific agendas, values and expectations, particularly when teaching boys clear rules about rape, assault and consent.

Consent requires a “yes” at every stage, from holding hands to touching and other sexual activity. One expression of consent does not cover everything, and substance use disqualifies consent.

Enthusiasm must be present for both people, with each person feeling respected and enjoying the experience. If someone must be convinced, consent is absent, and subtle coercion remains harmful.

Duffy also stressed that consent can change as an encounter progresses. “In sexual circumstances, as things progress, many boys begin to presume consent when it may not be present, or may not be present any longer,” he shared.

The “Tea and Consent” video uses the metaphor of offering someone tea to explain the logic of consent. Sex Ed for Guys, a Tik Tok project created by Colby College students, discusses consent, dating and healthy masculinity.

The failure of 50 young men in the Chi Phi Snapchat group to intervene prompted public outrage, but people in bystander situations commonly assume somebody else will act. Power dynamics, hierarchy and fear can discourage intervention, especially in male groups.

Boys need opportunities to practice responding to high risk situations. “It frequently takes only one person in male social groups to call something off and move the group dynamic to get the train to switch to another track,” Pepper said.

Right to Be created the 5 D’s of bystander intervention: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay and Direct. Role playing difficult situations at home can help boys practice choosing an appropriate response, whether that means creating a distraction or finding someone better positioned to intervene.

Boys also need to understand that they can establish their own boundaries around consent. Duffy said some young men feel powerless about initiating sexual relationships and believe girls or women use sex to maintain power, contributing to anger and an adversarial approach to intimacy.

Parents can help sons develop personal values, expectations and firm boundaries around sexual intimacy in dating relationships. Clear, consistent conversations can prepare boys to communicate honestly with partners, respect their boundaries and challenge friends when they witness a harmful situation.